


The Darkest Hour

by Baisleac (SiberianSpring)



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Falling In Love, M/M, Mild emotional hurt/comfort, My First Fanfic, Post Episode: s01e10 In Excelsis Deo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-27
Updated: 2019-03-27
Packaged: 2019-12-25 09:57:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18258968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SiberianSpring/pseuds/Baisleac
Summary: Sam and Toby deal with the after effects of events in "In Excelsis Deo"





	The Darkest Hour

**Author's Note:**

> I took some liberties with Sam and Toby's family situations.

Toby walked up the stairs to his apartment several hours after he'd dropped Mrs. Landingham off, thinking of Sam, probably in Bermuda by now, and of the funeral he'd arranged and attended. Wishing Sam was with him now, but glad he wasn't here to witness the annual breakdown of Toby Ziegler.

Sam didn't know Toby didn't have a family to spend the holidays with, that his overly conservative family wouldn’t have him. He would have tried to stay, just to keep Toby company if he had. Toby hadn't had the heart to ruin his vacation that way.

He entered the darkened apartment, not even bothering to turn on the lights. He just set his briefcase down and started unbuttoning his shirt as he headed for the bedroom.

"Toby"

He turned around slowly, eyes adjusting.

"It's two in the morning Tobe..."

"Sam? What are you doing here? You're supposed to be sitting on a beach, drinking those silly cocktails with little umbrellas, and how did you get in here?"

“You’re neighbor remembered me and let me in the building. I’ve been waiting in the hall.” Sam walked all the way in and shut the door, leaning against it lightly. "Charlie mentioned the Honor Guard... Why didn't you tell me?"

"You were supposed to go enjoy your Christmas. I didn't want to drag you down with me"

"Toby"... Sam walked slowly toward him. "I'm your ... I lo.. I want to be here for you, for the bad things as well as the good." Sam looked down at the floor. " Did you think I wouldn't care?"

Toby closed the distance between them and grabbed Sam's shoulders. "Don't even think it. I know you care, would have cared. I just didn't want to ruin your vacation."

"Toby..." Sam searched his face. "My vacation means nothing if I know you're hurting." Sam's voice changed to a scold. "And speaking of vacation, I thought you were supposed to be spending the break with your family."

"Sam, " Toby started to prevaricate.

"The only reason I was going to Bermuda was so that I wouldn't have to sit at home without you on Christmas. And then I find out you were planning on staying here all alone? Toby, what were you thinking?" He paused, “or did you want me to leave?”

Toby shrugged away from Sam, almost violently. "What was I thinking? I was thinking you'd be happier spending Christmas in the tropics than with a man drunk off his ass, who can't handle this hyped up, overdone, family oriented season because he can’t spend it with his own! And no, I don’t want you to see me like that!"

Sam came up behind Toby and rested his head on Toby's as he wrapped his arms around him. "You do have a family to be with Tobe. It may not be a large boisterous one, it may not be a conventional one. But you DO have a family." He paused, "and you're not just SOME man... I lo... I don't want to see you hurting. But I definitely don't want you hurting alone."

Toby tried to turn around but Sam, thinking he was going to walk away again, just held him tighter.

"I mean it Toby. I want to be with you when you're happy, but I also want to be with you when you're not. Hell... I just want to be with you! If you need to get drunk and try to forget, fine. But I won't let you sit in some dark room by yourself thinking you're all alone in the world."

They stayed like that for a few minutes simply absorbing the feel of each other and thinking of the words that had been spoken.

This time when Toby tried to turn around Sam let him go and went over to sit down on the sofa.

Toby stood there another moment, only then realizing that Sam had been waiting in his hallway for hours. He moved over to stand in front of him.

“Sam, you’re right. I should have told you about my family. I’m sorry." Toby paused. After several moments he continued softly, "That man, Walter, could have been my father, or my brother, or any number of men who fought for this country and they just left him laying in the cold, they weren't going to give him a proper burial,... they just left him in the cold Sam."

Sam pulled him down onto the sofa, into his arms, and brought Toby's head down to his chest softly.

"He didn’t have family that could look out for him either.” He paused, “How many others are out there Sam? How many more are cold? Hungry? Alone? How many others?"

Sam just held him tighter.

"Too many Toby, just too many"

*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*

Dawn crept in the windows, turning the room a pale orange. Toby had fallen asleep hours ago, but Sam continued to lay there, gently stroking his back and thinking of all the men and women who’d fought the horrors of the earth only to return home and be abandoned. He thought of the gruff yet gentle man laying beside him, one who many thought of as jaded and cold, one who didn’t realize how much he was cared for and bent his head to lightly brush his lips against Toby’s brow.

“I love you,” he whispered.

Toby stirred and Sam held his breath for fear of him waking. But Toby simply inched impossibly closer and settled again.

Sam released his breath once again and let his thoughts wander to the many small ways in which his love showed his compassion for others. He wondered when he’d be able to share his feelings, when Toby would be able to accept that he could be and was loved.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not much of a writer. This was the first story I ever wrote, originally posted on an old, defunct, mailing list in February 2001. I reposted it on Livejournal in October 2003 so it wouldn't be lost forever (FSM knows it's not on my current computer), even though it never felt quite finished. Finally went back to LJ to hunt it down again and post here. :)


End file.
